Read this blog: The one where we avoid man-eating crocodiles, aggressive monkeys and small snakes
Wednesday 12th March 2025
Robert would probably have chosen to spend less than four days in a dry country if he had had the option but the length of time we spent in Brunei was dictated by the timing of our onward connecting flight to Kuching.
With a few days to fill, and to pander to Matilda’s love of luxury, he decided to book two nights at The Empire Brunei in Jerudong which is variously described as a five, six or seven star hotel depending on which web-site you look at.
When we checked in we were advised to beware of monkeys who might be scavenging for food and this was reinforced by the sign on the door out to our balcony.
The hotel has lush lawns and a private beach but we were effectively advised against using the beach or swimming in the sea because of the risk of crocodile attack.
We had previously believed that crocodiles were fresh water reptiles and were sceptical about the threat they might pose. However, Robert’s research revealed that saltwater crocodiles are indeed found in the backwaters along the coast of Brunei Bay. This type of crocodile is both extremely rare and dangerous and as the world’s largest crocodile species can grow up to seven metres long.
Apparently it is also notorious for leaping out of the water and attacking humans.
When we checked in we were also told that not all of the six swimming pools were open as there was some maintenance work going on although we could not see any evidence of this during our stay.
Ironically it was Matilda, who always plans to have alcohol free days on holiday, who commented how much better the dip in the pool would be with a cold drink. A beer would have been nice but actually it would have been better with a cold glass of anything. Not all guests were observing the Ramadan fast – we saw some who had brought their mini bar drinks down to the pool – but it was difficult to feel you were in the lap of luxury when you could not have even one chilled glass of water in public to rehydrate.
Not only had we been looking forward to discovering what The Empire Brunei had to offer but it also made us take the time to consider what we really appreciate in a hotel.
We do not expect [or want] to be waited on hand and foot but we have our own priorities and we realised that we tend to rate hotels based on the following:
- Pillow comfort
- Placement of the toilet roll
- Breakfast
- Shower quality/ease of use (Matilda proof)
- Water/mini bar provisions
- Bar
- Swimming Pool
- Additional facilities (bowling alley etc)
- Collectability of the room keys/cards
- Location
We have stayed in far too many hotels where the pillows are frankly uncomfortable and the toilet roll holder must have been installed by someone with octopus tentacles for arms. Why is it so often positioned so that as you sit on the toilet you have to twist behind you risking a pulled muscle?
The setting for The Empire Brunei is undoubtedly gorgeous but it was a shame the beach was to all intents and purposes out of bounds.
The Empire Brunei is not a hotel so much as a resort or an upmarket Center Parcs. The site is vast and guests are provided with a map at the start of their stay. A building called the Country Club is situated at the entrance to the grounds and houses most of the sports facilities. It is used by guests and members alike.
Matilda definitely needed the map.
Transport is provided between the various buildings: you can either call zero from your room to order a buggy pick-up or the staff will call one for you as you leave. We briefly felt that it was counter-productive to call for transport to get to a sporting activity but it was so hot and humid that we capitulated.
We were told that there was a sunset viewing point and a sunrise viewing point although they were very close together and you would have had a good view of both from either vantage point.
We went to watch the sun go down.
The buildings seemed to glow in the evening light.
The night was clear so we could see the sun slip slowly below the horizon [see Video of the day].
Even after the sun had gone down, the clouds still reflected the colours of the sunset.
The resort is quite self contained and we ate our meals here too [see Dish of the day]. During Ramadan many places offer a fixed price buffet meal, which presumably is worth the money if you have not eaten anything all day. Room service was available but we preferred to go “á la carte” rather than eating in our room even though the menu was more limited in the restaurant.
The hotel opened in October 2000 and the interior decor is intended to be palatial.
Although the building was undoubtedly grand, the scale of it was so vast that it almost felt industrial.
Some activities – such as the swimming pool – are free whilst others must be paid for. There is an eight lane bowling alley which costs £3.50 per person for a game. The 18-hole championship golf course was designed by Jack Nicklaus.
The next day, Matilda was delighted to have the lap pool to herself, even though it felt more like getting into a bath than a swimming pool. She never expected to want a pool to be a little cooler. She has now measured two pools with the help of the Measure app on her iPhone, both of which were about 16.5m long which seems a rather arbitrary length.
While Matilda was getting her lengths in, Robert researched the rules of Pickleball so that we could try it out. The use of a court for an hour cost £15.50. It took us a while to get used to the bounce [or lack of it] but it proved to be an enjoyable way for two people [who are now being offered senior rate concession entry rates at museums] to get some exercise. Matilda was particularly pleased to win three out of the four games played.
We took a buggy back to the outdoor pool to immerse ourselves and cool down.
Although the site is huge, there were relatively few people staying there. When we first arrived it seemed as though we were the only people in our building. Keeping all the buildings open even with limited numbers of guests seemed wasteful of the world’s resources.
Despite the risks, we were disappointed not to have seen either monkeys or crocodiles.
It must be a very different experience in the height of the season when all the pools are open and there are more guests. Sadly, although we enjoyed some downtime, and the price was very reasonable compared to some other places we have stayed, we could not really feel that our stay during Ramadan merited seven stars.
Video of the day:
Selfie of the day:
Dish of the day:
Route Map:
